Do you have someone in your life who’s incurably contrarian? These people are the hardest to shop for, right? They’re not interested in anything anyone else likes. In fact, they’ll often deny their own capacity to enjoy simple pleasures if they think that enjoyment will make them seem too common. And they want to be sure everyone knows that they’re better than everyone else.
Hitcoin!, the new product from Stoneslide Giftworks, may be just what you need to jam some jollity into such a cantankerous heart.
Hitcoin! serves two distinct functions: First, it’s an anti-media-trend statement any contrarian will love. Say everyone at a holiday party is talking about how high the value of Bitcoin has gone, your beloved crank can pull out his Hitcoin! and show he’s not part of the crowd. Imagine the scene:
Partygoer1: I know, isn’t it amazing? Today it’s at like $1,000 and just last year it was, what, $2.
Partygoer2: Amazing for a virtual currency. Kind of makes you wish you’d bought some then… [They both giggle.]
Crank: I couldn’t help overhearing—
[Crank fastens Hitcoin! on right hand, as demonstrated in accompanying instructional DVD, and uses the flat edge to hit first Partygoer1 and then Partygoer2 in the head. Note: always follow the instructions that come with Hitcoin! to minimize chances of injury to your hand. Partygoer1 and Partygoer2 fall to the ground.]
Crank: I prefer a hard currency.
Right now, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, oh, this is perfect for my contrarian, how do I order?” But, wait, there’s more.
Hitcoin! also ships with a booklet of suggested pwns that will delight any self-involved, cynical, too-cool-for-the-world crank. Here’s just one example out of HUNDREDS!
Borrow $10 for lunch from a colleague and promise to repay them the next day. When your colleague asks for the $10 back, say, “Can I pay you back in Hitcoin!?” and brandish your personal Hitcoin! on your right hand. [Note: always follow the instructions that come with Hitcoin! to minimize chances of injury to your hand.]
You know there’s someone in your life—maybe your husband, maybe your father or brother—who will love Hitcoin!. You’ve bought gifts for them before filled with love, caring, and thoughtfulness. That hasn’t worked! Hitcoin! is the answer for that hard-to-please contrarian.
More holiday helpfulness from The Stoneslide Corrective: