You may have heard about the recent conviction of scientists for not warning the public about an upcoming earthquake. The Italian government charged the scientists with manslaughter, and won. Scientists have a long history of intentionally screwing over the human race, or at least trying to screw it over. Look at Galileo. Thank goodness the Church put a stop to him.

We have discovered other groups of scientists who should be charged with crimes for failing to warn government, citizens, or both, of disaster.

·American Psychological Association: Failed to warn US voters that Obama, due to his high intellect, would quickly become bored with being president, and listless in his governance.

·Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute: Failed to warn President Ronald Reagan and the US Senate that Supreme Court nominee Antonin Scalia is not human.

·Società Cardiogia di Italiana and Deutsche Gesellschaft für Kardiologie: Failed to warn the College of Cardinals that papal candidate Joseph Ratzinger—eventually Pope Benedict XVI—has no heart.

·MIT Department of Physics: Failed to warn that just as the universe is filled with undetectable dark matter, the human brain is filled with undetectable dark thoughts, which explains the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey.

·American Economic Association: Failed to alert the American people that the Federal Reserve has no clue why the economy does what it does and throws dice to determine interest rates.

·Society of  Pure and Applied Lexicology: Failed to inform people that understanding words and their use is pretty darned necessary for comprehending what’s going on in the world, at work, at the toll booth, in your kids’ homework or your parents’ subtler arguments, or when you say that irregardless of understanding being obscured by limpid prose, a poem is what it is.

·Werner Heisenberg (posthumously) and his heirs and descendants: Failed to warn that a politician would be born and eventually run for the presidency who could occupy multiple positions at one time.

·The Biochemical Society: Failed to inform the world that the human body contains a large amount of carbon, which under great pressure over vast periods of time can be compressed into a diamond, thereby depriving billions of people of a greater sense of self-worth.

·European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology: Failed to definitively identify the exact moment that a clump of cells becomes a human being, enabling endless strife and disagreement in American politics.

·European Brain and Behaviour Society: Failed to predict that so many people—including jumpy prosecutors and jurists—could be so dumb.