A group claiming to represent true conservatives fed up with the continued demonization of handguns and assault weapons released a report stating that no gun regulations at all would be necessary if American families had more children. The study, commissioned by Americans for True Freedom, shows how a rising birth rate in the United States could more than compensate for additional gun deaths.
“Even taking the claims of gun restriction advocates at face value, any so-called losses associated with an increase in firearms could be easily offset by rising birth rates,” writes study principal author T. Hartland Grove. “The key point is that under this approach, there is no loss of freedom, whereas under the gun control solution, millions of Americans have basic liberties stripped away. The two have the same ultimate result in terms of population, so which would you choose?”
The study estimates that an increase in the birth rate of less than 1% would provide more protection of life than President Obama’s proposed gun control plans. If all gun restrictions were removed, including the “illogical” bans on machine guns and RPGs, the study estimates that birth rates would have to rise a mere 10%. “That’s essentially one pregnancy per woman over a whole lifetime. Nine months of giving over your body to the miracle of new life, plus the suckling and whatnot for a year or two, and then some picking up of clothes and such. Is that so much to ask in return for freedom?” says Grove.
The group suggests offsetting the financial impact of additional children with larger tax cuts to families. The full study also considers policy changes that could increase conception rates, including banning contraceptive use by women with fewer than four children and restricting women’s access to “alternative” careers that might distract them from childrearing.
Americans for True Freedom’s president, the Republican donor Carruthers Crane Doans, says the study proves that “American families, and particularly women, are failing to do their part when they don’t produce enough babies to replace those felled by guns. For every gun death, they should bring forth the glory of new birth. A child to be loved and brought up right.” Doans says he is a proud hunter and father of five. “I feel much better when I’m out in the blind, day after day, sipping whiskey and blasting fowl out of the sky, knowing that I have those five little ones back home with the wife raising them right. I’ve done my part for our country.”
Mortimer Fuckledunch, a member of the Tea Party and Americans for True Freedom, says, “People kill people. That’s a fact. And sometimes they do it with guns. America needs its women fertile, supple, and ready to roll.”
The entirety of the study’s results will be made public in coming months, say Grove and Doans.
