Every kid loves a pony. This well-known fact forms the basis for a revolutionary new parenting system based on the combination of leading-edge behavioral research and bleeding-edge technology.
The Stoneslide Corrective is proud to introduce the Pony Parenting System. Here’s how it works:
Let’s take a common example of a disciplinary problem. Your child gesticulates wildly at the dinner table while relating a pointless anecdote from his day. He’s only four; he doesn’t know how banal his story is. But then he knocks over his glass of milk. You reasonably say, “Clean that up right this instant.” But what does he do? He sits there and sulks. Maybe tears trickle down his cheeks. There’s no cleaning happening. He’s not learning the lesson you are attempting to impart.
Now, imagine that at this very moment, you could say, “Listen, son. Did you know that I have a pony? I do. He is adorable. He has a long white mane and a ribbon tied around his tail. He can run faster than a car. I keep him in a stable just a few miles from here, because, of course, there’s no room for him to live with us. I would like for you to get to ride him someday, maybe soon. But, you know what, son, every time you do something wrong, I have to go and hurt that pony. He cries, but I have to do it if you don’t behave. Now, if you don’t clean up that milk, I will have to go to the stable…”
At this point, as you can clearly see, the child gets back on track and cleans up the milk.
The Pony Parenting System provides you with easy-to-follow step-by-step instructions to implement this foolproof
disciplinary system in your own household. But it’s much more than that. Using the latest in image-rendition software, the Pony Parenting System creates a series of video clips with what looks like a real pony and renders your image in a fully realistic fashion administering appropriate disciplines and rewards to the pony. Used together, the dialogue and scenarios in the Pony Parenting System Handbook and the power of the Pony Parenting System “Hand of God” Videos can overcome any amount of whining, recalcitrance, or acting out.
The video system comes with numerous settings to accommodate family preferences. Are you an upright Christian family? You’ll be proud to see a cross displayed in your pony’s stall. Are you an idealist who’s settled into a comfortable bourgeois lifestyle? You’ll appreciate the poster of Che in your virtual stall. The system is fully detailed to ensure the children don’t suspect that this is one more ruse you’re pulling over on them, like Santa Claus. For instance, it registers which is your dominant hand, so that your avatar will hold any lashes, razors, wrenches, or ice picks in the appropriate hand. It also visually renders rings or other jewelry you regularly wear.
Soon, you can be on your way to effortless discipline and a well-balanced, happy family life.
Children love ponies. You will love the Pony Parenting System!
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