Recent reports that only one banker has been jailed as a result of the financial crisis that shook the global economy and immiserated billions have sparked outrage. A loosely organized coalition of bankers, hedge fund managers, and investors are rallying to get that one banker freed, using the slogans “I Am Banker X!” and “Free Banker X!”

 The Stoneslide Corrective visited a rally this week in Zuccotti Park in New York City. It started at 4:15 p.m., just after markets closed for the day. A thin, grey haired man in a Savile Row suit called out impassioned pleas through a bullhorn, and the crowd around him cheered after each statement. It’s worth noting that the orator did not hold the bullhorn himself but had what looked like an intern with him to perform that task.

 “The government won’t get away with scapegoating one of us!” he cried. Cheers. “They may hate the one percent and call us scum, but we will have justice!” Cheers. “Besides, I’m actually the point one percent! Free Banker X!” Sustained cheers and an echoing chant. “Free Banker X! Free Banker X!”

 We pulled aside one participant in the rally to ask why he felt so strongly that injustice was being done. He was sipping a Kauffman vodka, vintage 2008, provided by the protest caterers. “How can the government make one man suffer when so many who are equally culpable walk around free?” he said. “I mean look around you. We’re all going to leave here in chauffeured cars. Most of us have girls we keep in apartments in SOHO. We’ll ride off and spend a few minutes with our girl, and let me tell you, these girls are ones most people can only dream of; they have skin like cream and just looking in their eyes can change your life. Then we go off, get a steak or lobster dinner, then hit the clubs. How can some of us be living like that while one of us is rotting in a jail cell?  We won’t stop until we see justice done. Free Banker X!”

A group of 95 protestors, all vice presidents or higher at major investment banks, circulated a manifesto in which they called on bankers to withhold their financial services unless their demands are met. The manifesto cites a study by consulting firm McKinsey & Co., commissioned by the group, showing that the economy would lose $450 billion and more than 400,000 jobs for every day of a banker protest, with effects becoming exponentially more catastrophic after a week.

 “The severe economic impacts on so-called Main Street should bankers, or ‘Wall Street,’ not exist, make evident that a punitive approach toward bankers is ridiculous and ultimately self-defeating. Jailing bankers risks the well-being of our very society, and we stand united against that prospect.”

 A media liaison for the group told us that they are planning a “Davos-style conference” to be held in Aspen, Colorado, that will explore the implications of this case, and how it reflects the unfair prejudices against the wealthy and successful.

 At the rally’s cigar bar, bankers passed quickly and determinedly, grabbing Cubans like relay batons as they joined the crowd. There we found one dissenter from the general outrage. “This guy was dumb enough to get caught. He deserves what he gets,” said a man in a double-breasted Brioni suit who would only identify himself as “a hedge fund guy.” Asked why he was at the rally, he held up his drink and his cigar. “I believe in free markets and free booze.”

The culmination of the Zuccotti Park event was an address by Danvorius Tohd, the billionaire CEO of Tohd Power & Light, who has become a folk hero for the one percent with his fiery defenses of property rights. Tohd appeared via videoconference on a sixteen-foot Jumbotron installed for the protest. He rallied the troops with a passionate speech, even shedding tears as he described calling his wealth manager to ask about his net worth after the crash in 2008. “The financial meltdown everyone’s complaining about affected me, too. I had to sell one of my New York apartments. You don’t hear me calling for the heads of all these investment professionals. The childish, asshole 99 percenters act like only they are impacted by downturns.”

Tohd closed his speech with a call to action. “We owe it to our imprisoned brother to fully enjoy our wealth tonight. You can do your part by not letting the envious, spiteful, hateful masses–and the enabler of their depravity called government–stop you from being your full, rich self. Go out and live! We’re paying the lawyers to keep working all night. Free Banker X!”

The men in suits followed Tohd’s exhortation and filed into the waiting cars.

 

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