We recently received this note, forwarded from a concerned community member, who says, “Doesn’t this tell it all about the times we live in?”
Hi Parents:
I’m sure you’re wondering what happened last night at Youth Ministry that prompted me to have the children call home and get picked up immediately. So here’s the explanation. Never in 15 years of leading Youth Ministry at Divine Mercy have I had to deal with such raucous and disorderly behavior—behavior so unruly and unprincipled as to be un-Christian.
During dinner, several children were playing bloody, gory shooting games on their phones; filming each other oozing food through their retainers; blaring explicit, rowdy music; and watching a video of a girl moving her rear end very briskly in front of a camera. I know this is the culture we live in, and I don’t begrudge anyone the use of their phones (I’m totally attached to mine!), however, I feel these activities conflicted with Youth Ministry’s mission of building a parish community, honoring God’s gifts, and putting Jesus Christ at the center of our lives. They also seemed entirely inappropriate for this age group.
After dinner, I invited the children to the lounge to begin our activities. We were to start with a scripture reading, Matthew 25:31-40. (“When the Son of Man comes in glory… He will divide His sheep from His goats… And He shall say to those on His right hand…”) Many of the children didn’t know how to find a passage in the Bible, which was disappointing, but as I was coaching them, others began playing bleating-goat sounds on their cell phones. An oblique but still unfit discussion broke out about masturbation, apparently triggered by the words right hand in the Bible passage. I separated some of the boys from each other, refocused the group and continued helping those having trouble finding the passage.
The outbursts however continued, demonstrating an astonishing lack of respect for our Savior and the Holy Scripture. Each time a young person would ask a question, three others would respond with bodily noises, wild gesticulations, muffled insults, flying objects, or off-topic comments. My corrections hindered the lesson, so some students decided to take correcting into their own hands and hit fellow students in the face with their Bibles! So discomfiting to see an instrument of peace and instruction used as a bludgeon. At one point I stopped to clarify a passage saying, “Jesus promised He would come back and judge the righteous from the unrighteous.” To this, someone made the outburst, “Well, what if Jesus had His fingers crossed?”
The hitting started again when a girl took a boy’s shoe and threw it across the room. After I told her to pick it up, she refused. The shoeless boy then jammed his toes into the girl’s nostrils causing a profuse nosebleed. Then he taunted her to sniff. The girl jumped on the boy and began punching him—her nose bleeding a wide shot pattern all over him and the sofa. The boy defended himself by flailing his arms and legs and eventually tossed the girl to the carpeting. The girl then slapped the boy across the face, called him a disparaging term often directed at homosexual males, and ran crying to the bathroom for tissues and self-consolation. Again, behavior entirely inappropriate for this setting and age group.
At this point, I figured the children had been sitting too long and needed a break. I was trying to prepare them for our Townsend Street Shelter Dinner, but we couldn’t get through the Scripture reading on good deeds much less discuss Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy or reflect on homelessness. So, I took the children downstairs to play some games I’d set up.
At the game stations, the children could create Happy Saints tokens; play the M&M ice-breaker game; or do “Hail Mary” word-search puzzles. In another part of the room, I had materials set out to compile “blessing bags” for the residents of Townsend Street Shelter (deodorant, toothpaste, snacks, socks, hand warmers, Tylenol, etc.). Unfortunately, the horseplay continued. Children disregarded my directions to the point of cheating to win games. At the word-search table, a boy wrote a curse word on a piece of paper and gave it to a girl, then snatched the paper from her and tore it savagely inches from her face so he “wouldn’t get caught.” When I asked him about it, he said in response, “I don’t need this sh*t!” and sat on a folding chair with his hood up, texting.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when several students opened packages meant for the blessing bags. They were batting mints against the walls of the Church Hall with Slim Jims and beaning each other with the rolled-up crew socks. To me, this was blatant disrespect for the parish community, God, our property, and me. This was the point at which I told the children to call home and get picked up promptly. I was spent.
I was and am saddened by this behavior, and I let the children know I was deeply disappointed. I would ask that you have a candid conversation with your son or daughter. If you find that they don’t enjoy Youth Ministry, please don’t send them. I hate to say this, as I NEVER wish to exclude anyone, but I also don’t want to ruin the experience for those who truly choose it.
I went home last night and reflected and prayed on all that happened and have decided the following:
- Children from now on will be required to leave their cell phones in a designated basket at the door when they arrive.
- Two volunteer parents will be required to attend all sessions going forward to help control behavior so I can lead the activities I work so hard to design.
Please speak to your children and remind them that when we gather in Church, God is in our midst. We therefore must treat each other, ourselves and our Holy space accordingly.
On a more positive note(!)… All the children were issued permission slips to participate in the Townsend Street Shelter Dinner. The first 15 who complete and turn in their forms will be able to join us!
I wish you and your families a blessed Lenten season.
In Christ’s Peace,
— Melinda
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