The Governor of Oregon has praised California’s new assisted suicide law, but she  worries the law won’t do enough to stem the tide of migrants leaving the Golden State to find less expensive housing in Oregon. House prices in Oregon have been skyrocketing in recent years, as many Californians have begun infiltrating the comparatively bucolic and affordable Beaver State. Governor Kate Brown said, “It’s great that Californians are killing themselves, but we need more deaths there, and not just among the terminally ill.” In a move that some view as controversial, Brown has authorized the Oregon National Guard to launch drone strikes on the San Francisco Bay area. “If we can get direct hits on Oracle, Facebook, and Google, with all those employees’ homes flooding their market we in Oregon could anticipate stable housing prices for decades,” Brown said. “The real long-term solution, of course, is to vastly expand abortions in California, but it’s hard to get Republicans to go for real solutions when we can use missiles instead.” Presidential candidate Ben Carson opposed the new Oregon initiative because, he said, he’s a good person. The Chicago Cubs’ Joe Maddon said that former Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder and humanitarian, the late Roberto Clemente, was “grossly overrated” and he said that the Chicago Board of Trade has a “nice” cafeteria where you can get a “good” pulled pork sandwich.