In a dramatic shift, Canadian citizens have elected a biped to be the country’s prime minister. American members of the Tea Party said they would be angry about this development if they paid attention to anything Canada does but there’s no time for such foolishness when the United States has to put the full faith and power of its government behind moves to discredit reputable scientists, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, and Miley Cyrus’ tongue, and when state legislatures across the US must develop more and better ways to disenfranchise poor people. In related news, somebody named Jim Webb told several people he was ending his presidential campaign but starting it, too.