In a party caucus Tuesday night, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) told his fellow Republicans that he would accept the role of Speaker of the House if they would back him unanimously and make other concessions. In a heartfelt speech, Ryan described how he had offered himself to the American people by running for vice president in 2012, but had finally had to turn down the role since the support of the people had fallen short of 100%. He told fellow members of the House that he had finally healed from this disappointment in his fellow citizens and was willing to open his heart once again, if tentatively, to universal acclaim and approbation. Ryan next looked each fellow representative in the eye to see if they were sufficiently excited. He then asked a series of probing questions to assess the House’s enthusiasm for his leadership. These included: “Which do you think has done more to help poor people, Mother Teresa’s hospital or Paul Ryan’s advocacy for smaller government and laissez faire policies?” “If you were stranded on a desert island with one other person, would you choose Jennifer Lawrence or Paul Ryan?” “Who would you bet on in a fight, Mike Tyson or Paul Ryan?” Reports are that Ryan seemed satisfied with the answers.