The Obama Administration and Congressional Republicans agreed on the creation of a new “Terrorism” Czar. The cabinet-level position will be responsible for deciding what acts can be called “terrorism.” The President’s spokesman Josh Earnest said, “We can all agree that terrorism is bad; we just can’t agree on what is or isn’t terrorism. This new cabinet officer will decide if any given act is really ‘terrorism.’ He or she will also make the call on whether an act is ‘kinda terrorism’ or in some cases ‘yeah, duh, terrorism.'” The new czar will also have the power to create new categories of atrocity, such as “TerrorismLite” or “Murder with an Unnecessarily Bad Attitude.” Several corporations are said to be preparing lobbying operations to influence the new “Terrorism” Czar. Google, for one, will petition to name the use of Bing a crime against humanity.