Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, and Jeb Bush released a rare joint statement today. It reads: “Today’s World Anti-Doping Agency report revealing a widespread doping program run by the Russian government is deeply concerning. Every American should recognize in this deeply researched report the evidence that once again President Obama can not match the vigor, strength, and stamina of Vladimir Putin (and now we know why). Is it not enough that Russia has humiliated us by barging into the Syrian conflict, but now we must be muscled aside in track and field and outscored on the field of sport (something Americans actually care about) by the Russian athletic dreadnought? The Republican Party supports doing whatever is necessary to keep America competitive and we pledge to invest whatever it takes to make up for the current administration’s fecklessness and to make American performance enhancement second-to-none (we assume this won’t involve any fetal tissue).”