Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson posted his account of last night’s debate on his campaign blog today. Here is an excerpt: “I was filled with sadness when I heard the applause for what Donald had said, knowing that every clap was a victory for Satan. I was near despair and considered giving up. But then Jesus himself appeared to me. He was forty feet high and glowing more brightly than the sun. He said unto me: ‘You are my chosen candidate. You are the most honest man here and also have the most gifted hands. You are correct to rest on Saturdays, not Sundays. Behold, I will make your poll numbers rise again!’ Jesus then gave me ten dollars and ascended back to Heaven.” Carson’s account could not be independently verified.