The vice president of officiating for the National Football League has announced that Magic 8 Balls will be available to referees during the playoffs. Dean Blandino said every host stadium will have one game-active 8 Ball and two backups. “When you have to make a tough decision about something important, like whether Tom Brady was roughed up, whether a back fumbled, or a receiver bobbled, the counsel available from one of these black beauties can make all the difference. There’s nothing like a Magic 8 Ball for sound, accurate judgment, and we want our officials to have the best tools at their disposal,” Blandino said. He added that he himself, in New York on game days, will also have an 8 Ball, and further, he will be able to communicate wirelessly with on-field officials so that his stupidity can be linked instantly with theirs, ensuring that any dumb decision or thought process can be enhanced with even greater idiocy. “Don’t get me wrong,” Blandino said, “a lot of our officials are already capable of seriously mucking up a game, but we can always muck up more. I think I have a role to play in that.” FIFA officials are studying how to use the 8 Ball in the other football that the rest of the world cares about and have already figured out a way to control the outcome of a shake in return for cash payments. In other news, Minnesota named the wood chipper its state flower.