After reading a New York Times report that ISIS has failed to keep basic services—like roads, schools, and hospitals—running in the territory it controls, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie suspended his presidential campaign and began packing to travel to Syria. “I believe the governing style I brought to New Jersey, and especially some of our bridges and highways, will fit perfectly in ISIS territory,” said Christie as he threw socks, ties, and underwear into a large green duffel bag.