Republican presidential candidate John Kasich denounced the “fantasy tax plans” of his rivals today. He pointed out their “unrealistic” growth assumptions, use of controversial dynamic scoring methods, and other chicanery. Kasich said he had “grave doubts” about Donald Trump’s insistence that, once inaugurated as president, everything he, Trump, touched would turn to gold, resolving the deficit problem within hours. Kasich described Marco Rubio’s plan to singlehandedly find and defeat Smaug, in order to contribute Smaug’s treasure hoard to the national treasury, as “admirable but a bit naive.” Finally, Kasich said he thought Ben Carson’s plan to store the national petroleum reserve inside the Washington Monument was “not feasible.”