Republicans assailed the media for paying excessive attention to the Paris climate talks. “The whole thing is based on pseudoscience,” said senator and presidential candidate Ted Cruz. “The media validates it by giving it so much coverage. Personally, I’m paying much more attention to the 15th International Gathering of Angel Watchers, where they’re discussing the recent increases in heavenly visitations, and what that means for the prophecies in the Book of Revelations. Are you surprised that the media ignore God’s work to serve their liberal politician masters? I’ve noticed that all the angels I’ve seen look a little bit like me. Have you noticed that?”