Federal authorities announced plans to take strong steps to resolve the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon. The United States Park Police has designated four officers to approach the buildings occupied by the militia and offer the men a bundt cake as a “welcome to the neighborhood” gesture. The militants have complained repeatedly that they need foodstuffs, such as jerky and other snacks. Meanwhile, the FBI is planning a large–scale operation involving hundreds of officers to stage and execute a “meet and greet mixer” so the two sides in the standoff can really get to know each other. The Department of Homeland Security has offered the services of an on–staff interior decorator, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms wants to propose a bowling outing but is too shy to ask. Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewel said, “It’s clear the the government’s hands–off approach hasn’t worked; sadly, we have to escalate our response.”