With the Iowa caucuses drawing near, presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has issued a raft of new policy proposals—many of them inspired by his own experiences. After a disappointing meal at upscale eatery Le Cirque, Trump called for a ban on all immigration from France “until they get this soggy potato thing figured out.” It was widely reported that Trump attended church in Muscatine, Iowa, this past week. What was not noted was that the Donald shifted and squirmed uncomfortably throughout his time in the pews. This led to the proposal for a public–private partnership to build luxury skyboxes in any place of worship with a seating capacity of more than 100. Amenities would include the serving of both table and sacramental wine (without regard to whether the house of worship be Catholic, Protestant, or non-Christian altogether). Additional Trump brainstorms include licensure requirements for strippers and a national strategic reserve of male cologne. In other campaign news, New Jersey governor Chris Christie commissioned IBM’s Watson supercomputer to run the state government while Christie continues to stump for votes in New Hampshire.