Republican Sarah Palin told reporters that her son suffers from pre–traumatic stress disorder, or PreTSD. Palin said this malady, which psychologists didn’t even know existed, was caused by Barack Obama. “When Track [Palin’s son] cut the brake lines on those school buses back in ’05, that was just a month before Senator Obama shot off his mouth about Iraq on Meet the Press. That’s why Track got in trouble, because of Obama’s lies about the Middle East. It was just too much for his patriotic brain to take. Track was preemptively traumatized by the Muslim–in–Chief before he was even the Muslim–in–Chief.” Palin further conjectured that her son’s recent arrest means that Obama is about to “commit a real doozy” sometime in the next 60–90 days and should be preemptively impeached. In related news, a couple science teachers in Odessa, Texas, said they’re going to try to raise grant money to discover the origins of PreTSD.