The governor of Michigan offered lifetime supplies of a popular fast food product to children in Flint, the town whose people were poisoned with lead as a result of a cost–cutting move by a gubernatorial appointee. Governor Rick Snyder said, “I will not rest until every afflicted child gets Happy Meals in perpetuity.” Back in 2014, a Snyder appointee said money could be saved if the city stopped getting water from the city of Detroit, and started using cheaper water that originates in the Flint River. The water wasn’t treated properly, and it corroded pipes, causing lead to leach into the water. Lead poisoning is terrible for anyone, young or old, but is especially debilitating to children, according to public health officials. Snyder said he can make things better for the kids. “I just hope these scumbag Democrats don’t try to get in my way. I will not let further harm come to the children of Flint!” he said. Snyder’s regime has been seen as covering up the poisoning after being alerted to it. In other news, the Islamic State said they’re interested in buying a Dairy Queen in East Lansing.