In a series of commercials that aired during the Super Bowl, the NFL took credit for children born nine months after the big game, calling them “Super Bowl Babies.” Several cities are now suing the league to recoup the costs of social services provided to these Super Bowl Babies. “The sort of people who immediately copulate in the excitement that follows a football victory don’t tend to be the kind of people who turn out to be responsible parents,” said New York mayor Bill de Blasio. “The NFL has clearly announced its responsibility for these rashly begotten children. We’re considering also suing Eli Manning and David Tyree.” Individual parents are also forming a class action lawsuit aimed at forcing the NFL to assist with some of the unavoidable drudgery of parenthood, including schlepping children to music lessons, talking with them about the birds and bees, and inserting those tiny straws into juice boxes. The NFL says it’s willing to provide one photo op in which players carry adorable children on their shoulders, and that, they say, should be enough.