Republican Sarah Palin accused Barack Obama of being a traitor because neither he nor Vice President Joe Biden will attend the Super Bowl next Sunday. “Barack Hussein Obama is a treasonous hater of America. He’s takin’ a leak on our national holiday! Donald Trump would never piss on America! I will never piss on America!” Jenny Beth Martin, co–founder of Tea Party Patriots, said that when it comes to protecting the rights of everyday Americans, the former vice presidential candidate will not back down. “Governor Palin loves the United States more than any other country on Earth, just like God.” In other news, 60 Georgia parents sued their children’s school for forcing them to learn that science wasn’t created by Satan.