Doctors in Fayetteville, North Carolina, have confirmed that a man there contracted rabies after being assaulted by Donald Trump. 28-year-old Donelle Dexter, of Chapel Hill, was curious about the buzz around the Republican primary candidate, he said, and decided to see Trump in person. Surveillance footage, with sound, shows that as Dexter threaded his way to the lip of the stage Trump supporters told him repeatedly, “You don’t belong here,” and “Go back to Africa.” The tape shows Dexter paying them no mind. When Trump appeared, a man later identified as a member of the Tea Party and the John Birch Society shoved Dexter. Dexter shoved back. Trump then jumped out into the crowd saying, “You motherfucker!” and bit Dexter’s ear. When Dexter pulled back his arm as though to unleash a punishing blow to Trump’s face, Trump hid behind a Durham woman. He told his security detail to “finish the job,” which they did, four of them knocking Dexter unconscious. The doctors said they expect Dexter to survive the rabies, although he will have to undergo a lengthy and painful course of shots. In other news, Spinal Tap bassist Derek Smalls was seen at a West London Tesco store buying aluminum foil.