UNESCO announced today that it has added the “Reasonable Republican” to its List of World Heritage in Danger. Director-General Irina Bokova said, “We are deeply concerned that future generations, when they hear the word ‘Republican,’ will think of nothing but the buffoons who have taken over the party today. The Party of Lincoln will be obliterated by its own worst excesses. Children will giggle and teenagers, not knowing of Theodore Roosevelt, will blush, and they will never believe there was once an ideologically consistent worldview where now is just rubble and piles of used inflatable erotic dolls, speaking metaphorically.” In other news, Ted Nugent shared a photo on Facebook of a hard, strangely symmetrical object he had found inside his left nostril.