Paul Ryan, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, has proposed new “confidential” tax rates that he says will boost economic growth by 12%. Ryan recently criticized analyses that show how Republican tax plans disproportionately benefit the rich as compared to the middle class, saying these comparisons promote envy and bad feeling. Under his new plan, all tax laws will be passed in secrecy and taxpayers will only know their own rates. Said Ryan, “Under my plan, we can set tax rates at an economically optimal level without people inserting crap about fairness or equity. The result will be an immense boost to economic growth and tax revenues. We’ve done all the calculations, of course, but I can’t show you because the numbers are secret. Trust me, we double checked all the numbers, and this is the best way for everyone.”