The City of Ferguson is widely seen as initiating a new era in constitutional law. After turning down a settlement with the Justice Department, saying it would be too expensive to implement the changes necessary to bring themselves into compliance with the Constitution, the city has started applying cost-benefit analysis to other constitutional rights. “Once you start looking into these rights, you see how costly they are,” said Mayor James Knowles. “For instance, take the First Amendment. Every time there are news stories about us killing another unarmed black man, we have to pay a PR and crisis management team to respond. That costs the city more than a hundred thousand dollars a pop. Much cheaper to just limit the press.” The city is also reassessing the ROI on the Fourth, Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendments. In other news, the West Martindale Chapter of the Friends of the Spotted Newt Society voted 3-2 to join the #NeverTrump movement.