All three remaining Republican presidential candidates are pursuing aggressive delegate strategies in an effort to enter the upcoming nominating convention with an edge. The Trump camp has hired a former Navy SEAL and professional mixed martial arts competitor to lead delegates in an intensive training regimen. Trump surrogate Paul Manafort said, “Don’t get bent out of shape. He’s mostly talking to them about defense policy and the debt. And if they also learn how to kill a man with one chop to the throat, well, that might come in handy, too.” Ted Cruz is reportedly pursuing a special class of delegates—those with acute multiple personality disorder—and plans to enter a rule at the convention that each delegate vote once per personality. Cruz campaign manager Jeff Roe said, “These people really take a shine to Ted.” John Kasich has been telling party insiders that he will cry if they don’t vote for him.