The Boston Red Sox are denying rumors that Pablo Sandoval’s belt has gone on the disabled list. Skipper John Farrell said, “It’s only Pablo himself we’ve put on the DL. The belt is fine, although a little strained.” Sandoval, a former starting third baseman and World Series MVP, said through an interpreter that he’s “losing tons of weight. Tons. I only had 25 besitos de coco yesterday.” GM Mike Hazen said although they did not perform an MRI on Sandoval’s shoulder—the alleged site of the problem—they did perform one on the belt, “because we’d like to keep the belt, whether or not we retain Pablo.” Sandoval is earning $95 million guaranteed through 2020. In other sports news, former Miami Dolphin running back Mercury Morris called the Golden State Warriors “a bunch of punks,” until he was reminded that the Warriors play basketball, not football.