The Republican Party announced that valuable concession contracts for the upcoming Republican National Convention have been awarded to a company owned by Donald J. Trump. Delegates and other attendees at the conference will be able to buy Trump Hot Dogs, Trump Steak on a Stick, Trump Nuts, Trump Popcorn, and Trumpade. All of the food products are high in GMOs. Trump University will also have advising sessions running in several of the conference rooms at Quicken Loans Arena, at which delegates can learn about the university’s new courses in politics and media. Trump Vacations will have a 5,000-square-foot display with a life-sized replica of one of their beachfront condos available for rental or timeshare purchase. RNC head Reince Priebus said, “The Republican Party has always been on the side of American business, and this is just the latest… Oh, god, Mr. Trump made us do it.”