Donald J. Trump is backing away from his assertion Wednesday night that he was going to ban Black Republicans from the party’s convention next month in LeBron, Ohio (aka Cleveland). The presumptuous—oops, presumptive—nominee said, “I want to ban White Republicans, too. I want Republicans. I don’t see black or white, I see dead people. Just kidding. I see humans. I’m a humanist, a *big time* humanist.” Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson said, “Mr. Trump was not aware that the Black Republican is a variety of cherry grown mostly in the Pacific Northwest, eaten fresh but used primarily in commercially made pies and ice creams. Mr. Trump is a very welcoming, not racially biased man. A man for all seasons, really.” In related news, Iowa Republican Terry Branstad denied that he was thinking about Trump the whole time Wednesday that he passed so much gas that the IQs of four people present temporarily dropped a whopping 60 points. Witnesses say Branstad’s IQ appeared to hold steady.