After a closed-door meeting with Donald J. Trump, three of the nation’s most prominent evangelical Christian leaders gave testimony to the presumptive Republican nominee’s newfound devotion. “He recited verses from the Good Book, and he cried as he spoke about the beauty of the Lord’s Commandments—even the adultery one,” said Jerry Falwell Jr, the president of Liberty University. “I saw the lamb of God come down and lick his hand,” said televangelist James Robison. “And the lamb liked it; I think Donald had on lavender hand lotion.” Franklin Graham added, “I had a vision that Donald was lying back with his head in God’s lap and his hair was being shampooed in the blood of Our Savior. When I looked at him, I mean really looked hard, I could swear his hair glowed. It was a sign that all good Christians have to vote for this man.” The three evangelicals also announced the opening of a new chain of megachurches with attached luxury hotel towers, made possible by funds from an anonymous donor.