If you’re pained by the loss of something special,

buy a new one.

The Cynic's Notebook

The most common human virtue is

equanimity in the face of others’ misfortune.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you really love something,

buy two of him.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something,

sell it. Assume the buyer’s an asshole.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something else,

sell that too, even if you don’t own it. It’s called a put.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you’re confused by something,

be outraged.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you love something,

buy two of it.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something,

buy all of it, and don’t let others be polluted.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you’re bored with something,

blow it up.

The Cynic's Notebook

Virtue is the means by which

you bear that foolish, ill-spirited bumblers keep moving ahead. It saves you from noticing your own flaws.

The Cynic's Notebook

If I read all the agreements I signed,

I wouldn’t have time to violate them.

The Cynic's Notebook

Belief in misleading ideas

is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s called optimism.

The Stoneslide Corrective is dead. Long live The Stoneslide.

Stoneslide has been reborn. We’ve shaken the dark ash off of our feathers, and we are resplendent once again. But we’re now at thestoneslide.com. This site will remain as an archive of The Stoneslide Corrective.

Thank you for reading. Check out the new plumage at thestoneslide.com.