Resumé Lines We’ll Never See II

Kept colleagues regularly informed about my own superior credentials and experience.

Maintained candy dish in reception area, keeping it at two-thirds level or higher over 92% of the time.

Resumé Lines We’ll Never See

We wondered what would happen if a dash of honesty were accidentally spilled on that most tortured and obfuscatory piece of writing: the resumé.

A Life Examined

Advantages Poets Have over Dominatrices

•When a poet does the job well she can initiate real dialogue, rather than hearing “Yes, mistress,” all day.

•When people tell poets they love their work it comes from the heart instead of a place of fetishistic worship—provided the people aren’t networking.

•Although at $2,000 an hour dominatrices make tons more money than poets, poets suffer fewer repetitive motion injuries.

A Life Examined

America’s Heroes All Start with an Idea and a Good Pitch

Hi! Thanks so much. I’m really excited about this.

I’m Brandon James from Brooklyn, and I have an opportunity for you to back what’s sure to be the next big thing.

A Life Examined

Graphiti Artist Strikes Again

A Life Examined

Stories of Theft and Loss

In The Stoneslide Corrective No. 1, we included a number of short narratives that all revolved around acts of theft. They were adapted from the records of the Old Bailey, a criminal court in London. The way we came to this may seem obscure. It started with the idea of collection. The magazine itself was […]

A Life Examined

Pastor Uses Tools of Wall Street to Get People into Heaven

Evangelical preacher Johnny Gawn says his life’s work is to usher as many souls as possible through the Pearly Gates. And now he’s devised a way to guarantee success, at a very reasonable cost.

A Life Examined

Testimonials We’ll Never Hear

A Life Examined

Never Go on a Bad Date with Paper Bag 2.0

Another ho-hum date; a date that makes you think perhaps your ex wasn’t so bad after all. Here you are feeling the same way about this person and the one you went to dinner with last week and the one you sat next to in the movies the week before as you did about your […]

A Life Examined

An Adaptation of Ovid’s Metamorphoses by a Middle Manager, Chapter Two

There is a 6,345-square-foot home, with marble-tiled bathrooms, fully integrated home entertainment technology, and a professional-level gas grill, among many other amenities, that sits in a grove-like subdivision a comfortable 15-minute commute from the headquarters of Sterling Performance Limited. Tax registers and other official documents will show that this is the residence of Mr. Anthony J. Sun, the chief financial officer of Sterling.

A Life Examined

Advice on Writing as a Craft and an Art

One attends a huge conference like the annual Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) with hope of gleaning powerful insight into the the craft and art of writing. Yes, there are people to meet and substances to ingest, but mostly the goal is to deepen one’s understanding and perhaps learn new ways of doing things, right?.

This year, at the Minneapolis manifestation of AWP, we paid close attention to the speakers and wrote down all the wisdom we received.

A Life Examined

An Adaptation of Ovid’s Metamorphoses by a Middle Manager

Sing, muse of the middle reach, goddess who wisely keeps her head down, cringer before the throne of the mighty. Like you, I sit high enough to witness the deeds of the illustrious, and yet I would never try to climb to their heights. Watching is enough for me. Help me tell their stories, and what happens when those who dwell in empyrean splendor touch lives of ordinary plane.