Seattle Seahawks Fan Sues Team over Hearing Loss

The Seahawks dispute the suit’s claims, and have launched a countersuit. A representative for the team did not hold back when criticizing Reddy’s action. “This joker messed with the wrong sports organization,” says Deputy Assistant Vice Director of Community Communications Byron Kerdul. “What does he think we are, a baseball team? We’re football. Football kicks ass and football takes names. This allegedly deafened pudwhacker is going down.”

A Life Examined

It’s an unfortunate truth

that the phrase “the offending tweet” will be used often in 2014. Our fear is that it will be oft-used into perpetuity.

A Life Examined

Gamblers Predict Chicago Mayor Will Declare Martial Law

It’s said occasionally that in Vegas you can bet on anything. It might be true. A bookmaker in Las Vegas has released a money line on whether or not the mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, will declare martial law before the 2015 election. Winkel’s Wagers, the sports book taking the bets, says the money line […]

A Life Examined

A Bridge Too Far

In case you (foolhardily) don’t follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook, see what we uncovered yesterday, an innovative navigational aid for use on and around the George Washington Bridge. Google Maps has deployed a new symbol that warns travelers of extreme traffic conditions. By the way, if you aren’t with us on […]

A Life Examined

Advice to Expectant Mothers

Hire someone to hang out with you 24 hours a day and at random intervals throw a variety of viscous fluids onto you. These assaults should take you by surprise, and then require considerable time to clean up, often leaving permanent stains on your favorite clothes and any nearby furniture. Some of this goop should periodically […]

A Life Examined

Advice to Expectant Fathers

Prepare for parenthood by hiring a man to follow you around and at unpredictable times punch you in the balls. When your children grow old enough to jump on your lap, leading with their ball peen knees, of course, you’ll be used to the sensation. Sadly, there is no way to prepare for the emotional […]

A Life Examined

Investigation Reveals Chicago Mayor May Be Kleptomaniac

A rumor swirling through the Windy City’s streets suggests that Mayor Rahm Emanuel may be a habitual shoplifter. Whatever the truth behind this cold and biting insinuation, the mayor’s many subjects, err, fellow citizens, find it easy to believe.

One form of the rumor suggests that a reporter at the The Chicago Intelligencerester newspaper and website discovered a cover-up by which Chicago Police brass were regularly deleting call items pertaining to the mayor’s alleged activities. The reporter spoke to street vendors, proprietors of mom and pop shops, and department store clerks, all of whom had filed official reports alleging they’d witnessed the mayor’s sticky fingers in action. But all of the complaints seemed to disappear. According to the rumor, the reporter, Dinklun T. St. James, was offered a lucrative screenwriting contract by the mayor’s brother Ari Emanuel to hush up the explosive story.

The Stoneslide Chorus

2013 Year in Review: Short Stories

Last week we reviewed 2013’s ten most-read Stoneslide pieces that weren’t short stories. Today we take a long, satisfying look at the year’s ten most-read short stories. We continue to marvel at how writers can pack so much import and action into the briefest of narratives. Some are brief to the extreme. Yet in those […]

The Stoneslide Chorus

2013 Year in Review: Articles

Year’s end. Within itself the term carries almost the exact opposite sensibility of another common expression of terminus: land’s end. Upon reaching land’s end, we think of what lies beyond—new exploits, adventures, invigorating new dangers. At year’s end, the future and all that it implies and portends is there, but reflection and looking back take […]

The Stoneslide Chorus

Holiday cheer for the cynical and disaffected

Every holiday season the difficulty arises: too many people for whom it’s too hard to shop. The teen with “security-minded” parents who are little more than spies, the crank, the smartphone addict, and so many more. At Stoneslide Giftworks we have everyone covered. Our gifts are conceived, designed, and built with the most difficult life […]

A Life Examined

Stoneslide Gift Assist #4: Hitcoin!

Do you have someone in your life who’s incurably contrarian? These people are the hardest to shop for, right? They’re not interested in anything anyone else likes. In fact, they’ll often deny their own capacity to enjoy simple pleasures if they think that enjoyment will make them seem too common. And they want to be […]

A Life Examined

Stoneslide Gift Assist #5: iBlinders

Our Gift Assists are carefully designed and curated to provide you with the certainty that you will be giving the recipients something that they will truly cherish and value–unlike the tons of scented candles, glossy food books, and mysteriously unctuous lotions that cycle quickly from under the tree to the back of a closet and […]