A Middle Manager Embodies the Lion on the Hunt

You’ve seen how, right before a staff meeting, everyone runs to the bathroom, right? It makes sense. Those things can go on forever and the only thing worse than an hour and a half of sheer tedium is an hour and a half of sheer tedium when your bladder feels like it’s going rupture. Well, […]

A Life Examined

A Middle Manager Explains How He Survives

Do you know that feeling when your boss reams you out? Like everything is just flushing out of your bowels and you are total scum? Some people call it humiliation or embarrassment. I call it the feeling of rightness. It’s your body telling you you’ve found your place—you shouldn’t aspire to anything higher. That’s survival […]

Correctives

Happy Would You Believe I Was Drunk Day!

On July 5, 1776, Arthur Middleton, a signer of the Declaration of Independence from South Carolina, walked down from the third floor room at the Inn where he had been staying throughout the latest session of the Continental Congress. He was met in the Inn’s kitchen by Samuel Beckwith, an out-of-work printer, who had just read a copy of the new founding document.

A Life Examined

A Memo from the HR Manager

Dear employees, You may have noticed that our work performance review process is incredibly confusing and complex with no discernible connection to either your past performance or your advancement and place within the company. This despite our repeated assurances that our driving goal is to improve employee performance and give you the tools you need […]

A Life Examined

Scene in a Rental Car

Two males sit in the cabin of a Chevrolet Malibu stopped at the side of the road between 18222 and 18224 Sunnyview Lane.

PASSENGER: It says we’re there.

DRIVER: It’s not even the right road. It’s supposed to be Thornbush something.

PASSENGER: I know but the little dot is flashing. It looks like the right place. I need to zoom in.

DRIVER: You’ve had that thing one day and already I hate it. Tell me why I shouldn’t throw it out the window.

The Cynic's Notebook

Fermentation occurs in nature?

I thought it was developed by marriage counselors.

A Life Examined

The only thing greater than being a father

is being single, age 18 to 35, without kids.

Frontiers of Knowledge

Medical Doctor Develops Surgery to Create the Perfect Checkout Cashier

We’ve all had the experience. You’re standing in line to check out at a store. You have a box of pasta, say, in your hand. You’re late to pick up the kids, but you need the pasta for dinner, so you can’t bail. Your frustration mounts. You feel helpless. “Being in a line like that […]

Correctives

Make Use of All the Data the Government Collects about You: Fiction Writers for Better Misinformation Proposal #4456

Many people see the government doing something they don’t like and their only thought is, stop! Just stop! They hear the National Security Agency is monitoring communications through major social networks and other sites, and they think, stop! Don’t let the government do that! They learn that the government is spending more than it takes […]

A Life Examined

LeBron James Apologizes for Not Doing Something, Whatever It Is, that You Think He Should, before Not Doing It

I want to apologize in advance to all the basketball fans out there who have spent years deepening their knowledge of the game through dedicated television viewing and keen observation of on-screen graphics for failing to do whatever it is they will think I should have done at a crucial moment. I know that my failure to make a drive to the hoop or pass the rock at just the moment you will think I should will make you, for just a moment, doubt your own understanding of basketball. This may lead you to, perhaps only dimly, question why the greatest passions in your life are born from watching others actually living lives.

A Life Examined

A Fender Bender

I feel I must present this story to you in a series of small, logical steps, or else the ending may be incomprehensible. This is so often the only way to understand the phenomena in the jungle of human behavior. 1- Ralph is introduced to Katy, the new associate in human resources. Katy is 5′ […]

A Life Examined