Sometimes there’s something so refreshing

about hitting rock bottom.

You can never go wrong

just killing the pain.

Parental Love

I’m squatting with my right knee angled to prop the fridge door open, a human doorstop. One hand holds an opened carton of milk, the cap now clamped under the pinky finger, which reduces my control over the half-gallon container as I raise it. The other hand has a harder task. The fingers wrap around […]

A Life Examined

True Things I Shouldn’t Have Said Anyway

KID: Why is Uncle Mike’s house so dusty? WIFE: He’s getting older, sweetheart. We should see about getting him a housekeeper. ME: Did you know the biggest component of dust is dead skin cells? We were pretty much breathing Uncle Mike’s old dermis the whole time.

A Life Examined

True Things I Shouldn’t Have Said Anyway

KID: When are we going to be at Grandma’s? I want to get out. WIFE: It’ll just be a couple more minutes. ME: If we survive. There are more than 30,000 traffic fatalities a year in this country.

A Life Examined

When I see the violence my children do

I am reassured the world will be the way it is for a long, long time to come.

Frontiers of Knowledge

Unconventional Funding Source Puts Researchers in Limbo

The provost of Gulf Isthmus University has been forced to resign and three professors affiliated with its marketing and psychology departments are under investigation after a scandal involving a source of research funding. Allegations were first raised in an anonymous letter to the university’s student newspaper stating that the researchers—Heather Intsunds, Derrick Elbium, and C. […]

The Cynic's Notebook

All you need to see the goodness in humanity

is a little imagination.

The Stoneslide Chorus

First Guest Editor Joins Rejection Generator Project

Feeling particularly boisterous? Feeling confident or otherwise good about yourself? Beware. You’re on a track to serious letdown. Let us help you. Go to the Rejection Generator Project and send yourself the letter called “Up in Flames.” This scorching missive was fed into the Rejection Generator by our first guest editor. It was so mean-spirited […]

Correctives

The One Thing You Should Do before the Election

The presidential election season is heating up. Partisan emotions are reaching a boil, and many of us are filled with a passionate intensity. The comment cannot hear the commenter. Yet the election is more than three months away. You need to do something with all that energy. You want to make a difference in this […]

The Cynic's Notebook

It’s hard not to be hostile

when people think they don’t deserve it.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you love something

that doesn’t love you, call it promiscuous.