If you really love something

that doesn’t love you, call it again.

If you love something that doesn’t love you

despite your repeated attempts, blame its past.

Museum Damaged by Outraged Patrons

Several windows were broken and five original artworks sustained “significant, possibly irreparable damage,” when a riot broke out after a constituents’ meeting at the Golga Gallery. Two people were taken to the university hospital for treatment—one a 68-year-old professor emeritus who sustained a fractured hand while allegedly punching a hole in an abstract expressionist canvas; the other a 42-year-old homemaker and philanthropist who threw out her back while attempting to push over a sculpture that turned out to be welded to the floor.

A Life Examined

A Middle Manager Faces Down Defeat

What do you mean, “error”? What error? I need this printout for the meeting. No, don’t freeze up. Not now. Come on, print, damn it. Print! The executive vice president is going to be there. Not now. It can’t be. How can this happen to me? Oh, it needs paper.

A Life Examined

A Middle Manager in His Berserker Rage

What the hell is happening up there? We haven’t moved in, like, five minutes. There, the light just turned again. Damn it! Damn it all to hell I’m late already! AAhhhhhhh! Aaahhhhhhh! Aahhhhhh! Ouch. That steering wheel is harder than it looks.

The Stoneslide Chorus

Happy Authors Day

Mothers Day has come and gone. Fathers Day, which around here coincides with explosions of roses (we remain neutral on what that says about the relative merits of mothers and fathers), has also passed. You’d think that we’d be thanked out. That the old gratitude gauge would be resting on empty. But we are ready […]

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something,

blame it.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something that loves you,

hate more.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you love something that hates you,

blame society.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you’re indifferent to love,

blame nature.

A Life Examined

True Things I Shouldn’t Have Said Anyway

KID: [After hugging] Mommy, you’re all wet.
WIFE: It’s sweat. I was exercising.
ME: Did you know that sweat is essentially diluted urine?

Frontiers of Knowledge

Psychologist Identifies “Golden Hour” for Best Financial Performance

A researcher at Upland Downs University in England is using evolutionary psychology to give stock traders and hedge fund managers an edge. The researcher, Richard Thadwicke, a lecturer in psychology at the school, performed a series of studies showing that stock traders perform significantly better in the hours immediately following orgasm.