If you really love something,

buy two of him.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something,

sell it. Assume the buyer’s an asshole.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something else,

sell that too, even if you don’t own it. It’s called a put.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you’re confused by something,

be outraged.

Correctives

The Miracle of Extinction

We humans may exert our ultimate efforts to burn, strafe, destroy, sow with chemically altered salt, bury, and/or trash, and something will live on, even if it’s only a sea of purple goo and the insects that can raft on that swell.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you love something,

buy two of it.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you hate something,

buy all of it, and don’t let others be polluted.

A Life Examined

A Middle Manager’s Experience of the Sublime

I saw Mr. Harris, the CEO, get out of his car this morning. A Mercedes.

The Cynic's Notebook

If you’re bored with something,

blow it up.

A Life Examined

A Middle Manager’s Advice to His Son

When you grow up and work in a busy office, as I do now, always be sure to use the bathroom early, when the cleaning crew has just been there. People do disgusting things during the day. When you see the blue fluid still in the bowl, you know you will be clean and pure. Remember this, my son.

The Cynic's Notebook

Virtue is the means by which

you bear that foolish, ill-spirited bumblers keep moving ahead. It saves you from noticing your own flaws.