Made of basalt and an industrial-grade steel alloy, its spring-loaded, fist-shaped ball is suitable for injuring parents, relatives, or anyone else who tries to make it seem like you have nothing to do with your very own triumphs.
Read More...Back-to-School Gift Assist: Prevent Fatherly Tomfoolery
Keep unsavory parental friends out of your home with the inflatable Fatherly Tomfoolery Fort®.
Read More...Back-to-School Gift Assist—See It before They Do: The Loser-Diluter Handyscan
You’re the kid who’s been bullied since second grade. It’s obvious why, right? You’re skinny, tall, and uncoordinated. You play wizard games, or worse, “house,” at school. You painted your fingernails that one time in fourth grade. You wear cotton sweatpants. Your parents are Wiccans. You still carry a lunchbox. But it’s back to […]
Read More...By All Means, Carry On
We at The Stoneslide Corrective recently came across this item on the wires and thought our readers would want to know about it: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Coming back from your latest open-carry demonstration, are you ever hit with that sinking feeling? You know, the feeling that you just haven’t done enough? Sure, you walked through […]
Read More...Mayor of Great American City Apologizes Preemptively for Her Upcoming Dumb Idea
You may have heard of Oakland, California, and if you have it’s likely because of the notorious three-time Super Bowl Champion Oakland Raiders or the nine-time World Series Champion Oakland Athletics. But there’s so much more to Oakland than those two standouts. The New York Times named Oakland number five in its “45 Places […]
Read More...University Purchases City for Economics Experiments
People have long said Wye Sprite University’s great weakness is its location. The university is highly ranked across all its academic programs, especially in science and medicine, but the city of Duncastle that surrounds it has been economically depressed—with low graduation and high crime rates—since the meat packing and rivet industries moved out in the […]
Read More...The Devil Reads the Hobby Lobby Decision and Has Some Questions for Justice Samuel Alito
This brings the world’s millions of corporations squarely into my sphere of influence, and now I have to figure out what to do with them. Do you realize that there are more corporations today than there were souls on the planet a few centuries ago? Yes, I’ve grown my staff in the meantime, but I can’t tell you how much trouble this is going to cause.
Read More...If you ever want a primer on how to waste a life
just ask me.
Read More...Beers are like hugs. Liquor is a kiss.
Rebranding Literature: Lee
This Pulitzer Prize-winning novel is an important book in the history of American literature. Further, to many readers the book is a touchstone, a work they connect with at a deep emotional level. But think how much more this already very accomplished piece of writing could achieve if it simply looked with enhanced cupidity at potential connections between the art a writer produces and the world of commerce.
Read More...PTA President Pens a Desperate Plea for Strength
Vanessa Stewart had been pushed to what she thought was her limit as PTA president. Over her three years she had put up with a lot of nonsense. The Communications Chair had taken a disliking to the PTA Vice President. Vanessa hadn’t weighed in, trusting that the two could work it out in an adult fashion. Instead, the Communications Chair took to her Twitter account and began cyberbullying the Vice President.
Read More...U.S. Intelligence Community to Propose Surveillance-Free Zone
The U.S. Intelligence Community will propose creating a “Surveillance-Free Zone” within the continental United States, enabling citizens interested in maintaining their civil rights to have at least one spot where they can stop worrying that the government is monitoring their texts about when to meet at Arby’s.
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