stonesl

Recent writings:

Parental Love

I’m squatting with my right knee angled to prop the fridge door open, a human doorstop. One hand holds an opened carton of milk, the cap now clamped under the pinky finger, which reduces my control over the half-gallon container as I raise it. The other hand has a harder task. The fingers wrap around the plastic body of my daughter’s bottle and two of them also pinch the rubber nipple, while the heel and the wrist have to maintain the right degree of pressure on the toddler’s shoulder to keep her from tumbling off my left thigh, which I’m holding flat like a bench for her. Of course, I can’t press too hard, or she’ll fall back off the other side. The fridge door kind of bounces off my knee. I tip the carton and pour the milk when everything is poised just so, like a galaxy that seems immobile while it spins in clean, self-perpetuating arcs. [Read more…]

True Things I Shouldn’t Have Said Anyway

stonesl

KID: Why is Uncle Mike’s house so dusty?

WIFE: He’s getting older, sweetheart. We should see about getting him a housekeeper.

ME: Did you know the biggest component of dust is dead skin cells? We were pretty much breathing Uncle Mike’s old dermis the whole time.

Virgin in the Den of Whores

stonesl

by Tadhg Muller

I remember when I was a virgin, recall the impending prospect of bliss. I have been thinking of my first encounter with a whore. Why do I recall this now? It’s the news footage of people being shot in the ancient streets of some of the world’s oldest cities—Cairo, Damascus, Tripoli—in this new awakening in this impending spring. Faith and power, innocence and corruption are wound in death throes, and only history will show what side of man will prevail. It is this shadowy conflict that calls to mind the end of my own innocence on those same ancient streets.

***

It happened in a train station in Alexandria. I had found myself lost, unsure of the platform I was departing from and desperate for help. It was mid-morning, the air was fragrant with the sweet smell of black tea and mint, mingling with the smell of citrus coming from the numerous fruit vendors. Lining the platform, the vendors’ tables were piled high with fruit, herbs, and also fabrics. And hurrying everywhere, marching with purpose, were smartly dressed men and women, crisp, clean. I felt like a dull stain against the colourful backdrop, dressed as I was in tired Australian denim that I had worn all the way across the northern tip of Africa from Marrakech, through Algeria, Libya, and into Egypt, en route to Afghanistan. [Read more…]

True Things I Shouldn’t Have Said Anyway

stonesl

KID: When are we going to be at Grandma’s? I want to get out.

WIFE: It’ll just be a couple more minutes.

ME: If we survive. There are more than 30,000 traffic fatalities a year in this country.

When I see the violence my children do

stonesl

I am reassured the world will be the way it is for a long, long time to come.

Unconventional Funding Source Puts Researchers in Limbo

stonesl

The provost of Gulf Isthmus University has been forced to resign and three professors affiliated with its marketing and psychology departments are under investigation after a scandal involving a source of research funding. Allegations were first raised in an anonymous letter to the university’s student newspaper stating that the researchers—Heather Intsunds, Derrick Elbium, and C. E. Klydde—received money from celestial beings to fund a series of psychological studies. The researchers never disclosed the source of funding, as required by university policy.

The studies in question looked at what is known as the “framing effect.” Previous research in this field had demonstrated that people tend to make very different choices based on how information is presented to them. For instance, in one study, surgeons overwhelmingly chose to go ahead with a procedure when told there was an 80% chance the patient would survive, but almost universally held back when told there was a 20% chance the patient would die. Although the framing effect has obvious implications for marketing and information design, the Gulf Isthmus University studies were the first to apply the ideas to spiritual decision making. [Read more…]

The Stoneslide Corrective No. 1

Our first print edition, The Stoneslide Corrective No. 1, is a reading experience that can make your head spin, being constituted of fiction that’s more solid than reality, humor masquerading as somber reflection, and truth lazing about gussied up like a dandy. It includes the work of great writers and visual artists.

Gracious Living Without Servants

“Not counting the reception after the funeral, this was Juliet’s first party as a widow.”

Shock to Equilibrium

A thrilling thriller that thrills thrill-loving thrill seekers. Acclaimed by a statistically significant percentage of readers.

stonesl

Recent writings:

Books & Magazine