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    Rejectees Rejoice

    The Rejection Generator has gone beyond even what we imagined it could accomplish. It is helping people examine their deepest motivations and set new directions for their lives.

    Thank you for your help. I have been feeling this way as a writer for years and having a print confirmation of it allows me to move on with my life so that I can now study how to make wicker furniture.

    Fiction just won’t pay the bills, but wicker they say is a growth industry.

    Sincerely,

    Matthew Brent Jackson

    Congratulations, Brent on this exciting new direction in your life! (Read what may be Brent’s farewell to the literary life, an essay titled “The Missouri Exile.“)

    Commenters on Twitter have also reported great efficacy.

    “I haven’t had this much fun since the invention of the printing press…”

    “Oh this is so great… Putting the fun into rejection. Yes!”

    “The Rejection Generator should be required for all writers…”

    “I just rejected myself as the Southern Gentleman. GENIUS.”

    “About time something like this was invented. LOL”

    Sadly, we have to report to you that Sylvester Stonesman, one of the co-creators of The Rejection Generator, has let all of this go to his head. He spent the last $500 dollars in his checking account on an iPad so that he could easily show the website to strangers. He has been going to coffee shops and other places with free wifi and accosting anyone who will stop to listen to him. He tries to make people read all seven letters that are available at that time and then calls into headquarters to ask us to jog the machinery and rotate letters. We always ask him where he is this time, but he doesn’t answer. If you see him, please let us know. His wife is becoming worried and tells us he has a lot of chores backing up. She has hinted that if he doesn’t do them, she will expect us to come over and mow the lawn, etc., since it was our project that took him away. Please let us know. He’s wearing a grey sport coat, yellow shirt, and jeans.

    Writers at Work: Yeats

    Life is inseparable from art. That is part of the reason we at The Stoneslide Corrective so closely study the circumstances around the composition of great works of art through our Writers at Work series.

    William Butler Yeats had a life rich in event and literary production. He was deeply involved in politics, founded a successful theater, and led a literary movement. Here we study how, amidst political upheaval, romantic turmoil, and personal disappointments, he manages to focus the might of his intellect and compose the powerful first lines of “A Dialogue of Self and Soul.”

     

    The Stoneslide Corrective occasionally studies early drafts of writings, in order to learn, to instruct, to grow, and sometimes in order to explore for the sheer enjoyment of compositional exploration. Consulting the work of scholars, archivists, biographers, librarians, private foundations and repositories, and, when appropriate, consulting the writers themselves, we re-create the process through which a work was brought into being, often including the many drafts writers go through.

    Note: All historical work is verified by HistoriRight, Inc.

    Unless you’re at church, temple, mosque, or a court proceeding, do feel free to turn up the volume of the device you’re using to read this (except your brain, of course; please don’t turn up that device’s volume).

    Great Read. Free.

    We want you to know that The Editors can suffer the pain of disappointment as much as any writer. It pains us, for instance, when you do not read our fine novel, Shock to Equilibrium. We have used The Rejection Generator to calm the turmoil and disquiet in our hearts… and yet, still the thought troubles us.

    So, we have arranged a nearly painless way for you to end this pain. Below is a coupon code that will allow you to download the e-book for free. It will bring you joy as you read, and it will bring us joy to know that you are experiencing such joy.
     
    CODE: GK96X
     
    The coupon will expire on April 27. Please take advantage of it while it’s available and share with anyone you think might like Shock to Equilibrium.
     

    A Note from a Rejectee

    We have received so many grateful responses since we released The Rejection Generator. Here is just one writer’s story of how the generator helped her.

    Dear Editors,

    Well, all I can say is YOUR LOSS. Someday I’m going to make millions of dollars, but unfortunately for you, you will never see a penny of it. We could have become rich together, but now you’ll never know. Just to be clear, both my mother AND my best friend said that my book was the best one they had ever read. And my mom should know, because she has red EVERY SINGLE Nora Roberts book there is. Also, my best-friend said that my book has the potential to be BIGGER than Harry Potter. Yes Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… Bet you wish you could have it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But no, you have already rejected me, and once someone is on my bad list, they are on it FOREVER!!!!!!

    So goodbye to you and your sorry-ass publishing firm.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Mary Lisa Bailess, aka the next Stephen King, and you just turned me down (but don’t despair, maybe I’ll throw you a bone when my sales Eclipse Stephanie Myers). Idiots.

    Note: Mary is the author of The Wedding Macabre, which will be available on Amazon starting April 20.

    Stoneslide Media Announces the Liberation of Writerkind

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
    Contact: editors@stoneslidecorrective.com

    The printing press liberated scribes from manual copying. The typewriter liberated writers from hand cramps. The internet liberated writers from post office lines and human interaction. Finally, a new invention can liberate writers from their greatest bane: rejection.

    The Rejection Generator rejects writers before an editor looks at a submission. Inspired by psychological research showing that after people experience pain they are less afraid of it in the future, The Rejection Generator helps writers take the pain out of rejection.

    The Rejection Generator was conceived of, designed, and built by Stoneslide Media. Try it anytime right here.

    Writers who want to be pre-rejected simply choose a category of rejection and fill out their email address, and a rejection is immediately sent to them. Each letter is ingeniously painful and discouraging. [Read more…]

    Two Questions

    With the Passover and Easter holidays imminent, The Stoneslide Corrective moves through the world with eyes seeking spiritual wonder. It makes us ask questions, like the following: Why does the church down the street still have a nativity scene out front? Since someone stole the baby Jesus, and there’s just a rumpled blanket in the middle of the scene, what are the angels worshipping?

We’re sorry to interrupt
but we thought you’d want to know…

The Stoneslide Story Contest

First prize: $3,000 + publication

Entry fee: $10

Get the details and enter today

The Stoneslide Corrective No. 1

Get a year’s worth of sublimity in convenient magazine form.

Read a preview & get your copy.

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