Dear The Tank,
When I have to deal with my upstairs neighbor because he’s being a wuss who can’t handle good music played at a volume that actually allows you to enjoy it, I often find myself having to fight the urge to escalate, to get this thing rolling to the point where it gets physical. How can I keep myself from pummeling this asshole?
—Dave in Boston
Dear Dave in Boston,
What the hell is wrong with you? Trust instinct. Instinct is what drives us forward. You know this, instinctively.
You’re caught in what I call “overcognition.” You’ll never figure out what to do if you keep letting your conscience get in the way of the real you.
How can you bring out that instinctual you that will just automatically know how to respond to challenges like this? There are several well-proven approaches, but the easiest is alcohol. Make sure you have a few drinks before you start playing your music to ensure you’re ready no matter how soon that twit gets his panties in a knot. Then keep drinking at a rate of one shot for every two songs. I’m confident that when he knocks on your door, you’ll find the right answer in your heart.
By the way, this technique may help you in many other areas of your life. Whether you have to ask your boss for a raise or meet a new girlfriend’s parents, try to find the instinctual you. Your instinct will be your best friend in overcoming the blight of overcognition.
Sincerely,
—The Tank
Read more advice so bad it’s good from The Tank.
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The Tank is inspired by Gracious Living Without Servants, the new novel by Wall Street Journal writer Brenda Cronin. Juliet, the heroine of that novel, makes all kinds of bad choices that end up making life way more interesting. Read the first chapter.
