In education news, students and faculty at the University of Iowa are being told to go blank themselves by the state’s board of regents, who selected a macaroni salad to be the school’s next president. The salad is slated to take the academic reins—despite having no hands—in November even though its dressing is watered down, it lacks vegetables and protein, and completely lacks, in fact, any nutritional value. The regents continue to support the pasta dish, and have issued a statement saying if Iowans care so much about  education, they should have demanded that the governor appoint regents who were qualified. The University of Iowa has a history of world-class scholarship, instruction, and research, but the regents appear to be intent on destroying all that. In meetings earlier this month, the UI faculty, the graduate student government, and undergraduate student government all voted no confidence in the regents to adequately govern the state’s public universities. The faculty further declared that even a vegetarian taco would be be a better president than this “junk-food macaroni salad.” Investigations into how a cold pasta dish came to be chosen to lead a university are being considered. The salad itself had no comment.