Last night Danny Diaz, manager of the now–defunct Jeb Bush campaign for the presidency of the United States, announced that Bush intends to take a job at a Michaels craft store in Sarasota, Florida. Diaz said Jeb filled out the application last week. “Actually,” Diaz said, “Trevor, one of our drivers, filled it out. Now all Jeb needs to do is pass the pee test, and he’s in.” When asked if the Michaels chain requires drug tests of prospective employees, Diaz said that no, in fact, they don’t. “But with Jeb they said they wanted to be certain he wasn’t on something. Speaking frankly, I say, hey, can you blame them?” Diaz said Jeb’s hope is to work in the knitting department. In other news, industrial magnate and billionaire David Koch is denying reports that in 1988 he and his brother Charles lost their genitalia during “a bit of roughhousing” at a state park in Kansas.