For the third time in less than a month and a half, former presidential candidate Jeb Bush has been demoted at his new job. Bush had been an associate in the knitting department at a Michaels crafts store in Sarasota, Florida, where he’s worked since late February. After performing poorly in that position, he was demoted to Bagger, then demoted again to Assistant Bagger. [See Wednesday, March 23, 2016.] Now Bush is a Utility Clerk. His supervisor, Wanda Tenille, said, “Jeb grew deathly afraid of paper cuts while helping the Baggers. He became phobic.” Bush also got in trouble when a fellow employee found him in the stockroom watching some of his old campaign speeches on YouTube. Tenille said she doesn’t want to fire Bush. “I feel bad for him. He walks around like such a sad sack. So I hope the Utility Clerk position works out.” Tenille said Bush’s duties will include sweeping, mopping up messes, and restocking misplaced merchandise. In other news, 17 mothers in Baxley, Georgia, were arrested after assaulting the high school’s science teacher and knocking her unconscious after she reportedly said, “Scientific knowledge is the most reliable knowledge we as a species possess.”