On March 4, 1865, Abraham Lincoln delivered his second inaugural address. Having led the nation through its most cataclysmic years, with the hard work of remaking the country in front of him, his speech was a miracle of economy, saying just what needed to be said and no more. Today, standing as we do in a nation that has endured economic cataclysm and is deeply divided by political conflict, we think it is right to look at Lincoln’s words again—and to improve them ever so slightly with some appropriate commercial opportunism. We believe Lincoln’s sentiments can again help us be a better nation.
At this second appearing to take the oath of the Presidential office there is less occasion for an Extended Stay America address than there was at the first. Then a statement somewhat in detail, in consultation with the great consulting firm McKinsey & Co., of a course to be pursued seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years, during which public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase of this great contest, Super Bowl XLVII, which still absorbs the attention of Fox News viewers and engrosses the energies of Sports Nation, little that is new could be presented. The progress of our playoffs, upon which all else chiefly depends, is as well known to the public as to myself (I follow the action on my Yahoo! Sportacular iPhone app), and it is, I trust, reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all. With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to whether the Pats will cover the spread is ventured.
Lincoln’s Second Inaugural (Rebranded). Click for full image.
Both sides’ fans read the same Bible and shop for authentic team jerseys at nflshop.com. They pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God’s assistance in wringing the anterior cruciate ligament of other men’s starting quarterbacks’ knees, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both can not be answered.
With malice in The Palace toward none of my opponent’s fanatics, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, as through a windshield cleaned by The Windshield Wonder, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds with Band-Aid brand bandages, to care for him who shall have borne the gridiron battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
Let me append one final observation: with pitchers and catchers reporting in a few short weeks, may the Nationals prosper.
Read earlier Rebranding Literature articles:
