Dear The Tank,
My wife and I fight all the time about money. We love each other deeply and we used to have some wild times, but now we can’t go fifteen minutes without a fight. She gives me this look all the time, the corner of the eye thing, like she can’t believe I’m going to buy a venti latte, and then I get so angry. And all this disagreement is really affecting our marriage in other areas. You know what I mean, right?
—Louis in Allentown
Dear Louis,
You and your wife do not fight over money. You fight over control. If you think it’s only about money, you’ll never get to the bottom of this.
The first step, which we recommend you take as soon as possible, is to draw some clear lines about who controls what, so that every decision isn’t a contest of will. Divide your money into separate accounts. She can pay for groceries, utilities, and other sundries. You pay the mortgage and clothing bills. That way when a spending-related question comes up, the relevant person makes the decision and that’s that.
However, this division is just the first aid. If you really want to heal your marriage, you have to take it further. Save up a little money in your account. Say you don’t pay the mortgage for two to three months. That’s gotta be a few grand right there. Skimp on other stuff. Take out loans or cash advances wherever you can. Now you’ve got what I’d call seed capital.
Just think how different your relationship would be if you had enough cash not to worry about little things like lattes anymore–and you controlled it all. Remember your problems are all about control and the fact that you and she both want control. The way to circumvent this once and for all is to build up a huge fortune that you control completely. Think more digits than you have fingers stashed in an offshore account. You’ll be able to buy her gifts and take her places. She’ll be so grateful to you. Your marriage will come back to life in all areas. I think you know what I mean.
Remember there’s no reward without first taking some risk. So take that seed capital to Vegas. Find a game that has the potential to multiply it many times over. Think roulette, craps, blackjack. Lay it all on the line, and you could remake your life.
—The Tank
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The Tank is inspired by Gracious Living Without Servants, the new novel by Wall Street Journal writer Brenda Cronin. Juliet, the heroine of that novel, makes all kinds of bad choices that end up making life way more interesting. Read the first chapter.
