Our Gift Assists are carefully designed and curated to provide you with the certainty that you will be giving the recipients something that they will truly cherish and value–unlike the tons of scented candles, glossy food books, and mysteriously unctuous lotions that cycle quickly from under the tree to the back of a closet and thence to a landfill.
How do we accomplish this? We look at the real challenges and problems you face on a daily basis and come up with solutions no one else has yet had the courage or inventiveness to try.
Which brings us to our latest life-improving innovation.
How often do you find yourself annoyed with a spouse or friend who keeps looking down at their phone, either in the midst of conversation or interrupting conversation altogether? Do you often find yourself saying things like, “Is now really the time?” “Put that away!” or “Can’t we get through one family meal without you pulling that goddamn, devil-infested, whoreson, succubus-dildo chunk of metal and old sand out of your pocket?”
You may make threats or lay down ultimatums, and still that person keeps looking down at that little screen cradled in his or her palm.
There’s a message in all this: Your loved one loves that phone more than he or she loves you.
It’s really that simple. Now, you, as a truly loving person, have to help your loved one find a way to maximize their true love. In the spirit of the holiday, you can do just that:
Give them a pair of Stoneslide iBlinders today!
These easy-to-use, head-mounted blinders enable your loved one to better tune out the outside world and focus in on what he really cares about: his phone. They can be used in any social situation, including family weddings and work holiday parties. With an extra stabilizer attachment, they can even be used while driving or riding a bike. Convenient earbud mounts are compatible with all makes and models.
More holiday helpfulness from The Stoneslide Corrective:
Stoneslide Gift Assist #1: For the Couple that Can’t Agree on the Holidays
Stoneslide Gift Assist #2: Silent Night and Day
Stoneslide Gift Assist #3: Rudolph the Red-Cheeked Sobriety Buddy
