Finding the right gift can be so hard. Especially if you are of a cynical, doubting, sarcastic disposition and your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse is of the seasonally uplifted and joyous hordes. Your insightful observations about the absurdity of going to the mall when everyone in the world is already there are met with blank incomprehension. Your comparison between the mall and a watering hole in the desert kindles a spark of resentment. Your suggestion that a few predators might help the situation at the mall raises the flames and you’re back in that argument about your attitude again.
You could take this all as proof of the falseness of so-called holiday cheer. You know perfectly well that the birth narratives in the Bible are demonstrably untrue, so it’s all based on a lie to begin with. You see all too clearly that the people who benefit from all this cheer are the marketers, the manufacturers of useless trinkets and cheap, adulterated bath products, and the same old suspects who already rule the world.
Instead, we have a way to reconcile you with your beloved partner and with the season your partner loves:
Kringle Sutra, the new love manual for the holidays.
Imagine his/her joy when you demonstrate that you are willing to share in the season of joy and love. No more sniping from the sidelines. You’ll dive right in.
Over 60,000 detailed illustrations demonstrate how erotic props like blue spruce needles, light-up reindeer horns, and candied plums can bring together the most disenchanted with the most simple-mindedly enthusiastic lover of the season.
Joy to the world! And joy to you!
More holiday helpfulness from The Stoneslide Corrective:
Stoneslide Gift Assist #2: Silent Night and Day
Stoneslide Gift Assist #3: Rudolph the Red-Cheeked Sobriety Buddy
Stoneslide Gift Assist #4: Hitcoin!
