We at The Stoneslide Corrective recently came across this item on the wires and thought our readers would want to know about it:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Coming back from your latest open-carry demonstration, are you ever hit with that sinking feeling? You know, the feeling that you just haven’t done enough? Sure, you walked through the aisles of the Chili’s with your Glock in your holster. You heard everyone get quiet as they noticed. You watched the hipsters who can’t handle freedom slide out the restaurant’s side door. But you still feel like people don’t get it. They don’t understand how important guns are to every facet of life.
That ignorance is exactly what will enable the tyranny to creep into our lives. You are right to be worried.
But now CunningGun Inc introduces a range of firearms lifestyle products that will empower you to show the world that guns matter ALL the time. ALL the friggin’ TIME! The Second Amendment cannot be confined to shooting ranges and hunting. You shouldn’t let it be.
Available in liberty-loving gun shops today:
PuffaLavender™ scented ammunition. There’s nothing like the smell of a clean house. And there’s nothing like the smell of gunpowder in the morning, noon, and night. Now while you or the wife do the housework, fire off a round of our PuffaLavender™ scented ammunition and fill the room with the perfect melding of a flower garden and a hot firefight. Our patented, super potent scent crystals explode into the room, spreading the smell of freedom. Available as blanks and as live rounds.
GustaWind™ picnic kit. Open the top of this peaceful-looking picnic basket and you uncover the makings of a perfect day. Inside the main compartment is a holster that will accommodate any make or model of sawed-off shotgun. But, you think, I may be picnicking in a park that doesn’t allow shooting, won’t I just be frustrated looking at my Remington and not being able to squeeze the trigger? No, the GustaWind™ set comes with a special shotgun-powered drink mixer. Fill the barrel muzzle-load style with your favorite concoction—works great with lemonade mix, rum and Coke, or Kahlúa—then aim your gun at the target glass, fire, and the energy of your shot is converted to mixing power by our patented mechanism. Mixing drinks for your whole party may require multiple shots, but that only adds to your fun. As an additional benefit, small-minded picnickers who don’t appreciate the sheer joy of a weapon discharge are likely to move away and leave you and your party more room to enjoy yourselves.
Gun Lovers Are Great Lovers™ romance kit. You have a pistol under your pillow already, and a reasonable home-defense piece stowed under the mattress. You’ve tried gun-shaped candles. You’ve cut out your favorite product shots from Guns and Ammo magazine and posted them around your boudoir. Still, nothing works. Nothing in the bedroom can get you up quite like the feeling of squeezing that hard trigger and feeling the thunderous release of a round. Leave it to CunningGun to solve another of your little troubles. This 14-piece romance kit uses the science of positive fetishization to enhance your marital duties. A one-of-a-kind adapter will allow you to hold your favorite piece while in the act and even use it to caress and stimulate your partner. A holster and other accoutrements add to the helpful associations, while scented gun oils bring the aroma of the range into the bedroom.
Never forget that when you let a moment go by where you’re not using your gun, you let the liberals win. Instead, CunningGun will help you prove that a gun is always a good thing.
MORE ON GUNS AND GUN CONTROL